Headline
Text: Dr. Christopher Donaghue
Initial arcia Hernado Mendorca was discovered at the age of forty to be a mathematical genius. He did not see the light of day until his thirty eighth year when he was discovered by Doctor Alphonzo Aljero [1] at the Instituto Medico de Bolivia.
Hernando Gonzalo Mendorca, the brother of Garcia Hernando Mendorca and winner of the Greco-Roman Wrestling bronze medal in the 1982 Los Angeles Olympics, collapsed when teaching students at the Universidad de Bolivia shortly after complaining of spinal and abdominal pain. He was taken to the Instituto Medico de Bolivia and after receiving twenty milligrams of diamorphine was manually examined by the duty emergency doctor who could find no specific cause. A series of X-Rays were undertaken where it was found that Hernando Gonzalo Mendorca had a Siamese twin completely submerged within his own body. The twin had lain dormant for thirty eight years and had only that day decided to shift his position, resulting in the spinal and abdominal pain that Hernando had experienced. An operation to achieve separation carried out that evening [2] was successful but the Siamese twin perished in the process. Upon examination of the corpse it was discovered that a third Siamese twin (or triplet) was alive and well within the body cavity of the late unnamed original Siamese twin. The operation to remove this twin was successful in that the him to communicate. Garcia Hernado Mendorca was twin survived and was named Garcia Hernado Mendorca. A team of physiotherapists [3] worked to coax Garcia from his fœtal position and to encourage him to move and strengthen his limbs. A consultant eye physician operated on his eyelids which had grown shut and a speech therapist was brought in to teach effectively a thirty-eight-year-old new born baby.


Doppelseite aus dem Heft (01:23:32) – Gestaltung von Borries Schwesinger

Fed primarily on formula milk Garcia rapidly gained strength and after only four weeks was able to lift the weight of his head using his neck muscles. At seven weeks he started on a diet of solids but refused to eat any food other than fish and the occasional potato. At fourteen weeks he began to toddle. Considerable media attention was focussed on the case in South America and Garcia received sponsorship from reconstituted frozen fish manufacturers and makers of educational toys designed to stimulate enquiring minds. After six months he uttered his first word ›tres‹ and after one year was fluent in both Spanish and English. Now toilet trained it was decided that Garcia could live self sufficiently occupying an annex in the grounds of the Instituto Medico de Bolivia. A primary interest appeared to be mathematics, a subject at which Garcia excelled.
Simultaneously he read extensively on quantum physics and the works of Wittgenstein [4] and Jacques Derrida [5]. Simone Weil [6] and F. A. Hayek [ 7] provided his political education and Theodor Adorno [8] schooled him in the arts. It became apparent that Garcia’s capacity to absorb information so readily was due to his suffering no neurone depletion. As the reader will know, humans are born with roughly seven times more neurones than they have upon entering puberty. Neurones begin to decay at around the age of four and are only present in such great quantities in the infant so that it may acquire a language rapidly. As Garcia was not born until the age of thirty eight he did not use his cerebral cortex to any great extent until this time. The neurones survived beyond the stage where they should have naturally depleted and so would suffer no depletion after a language was acquired.
After proving that twin prime numbers exist infinitely and pioneering research into infinities greater than infinities and proving theorems for the extraction of precise asymptotic formulas of the number of numbers above some arbitrarily large integer n, having certain desired properties, mathematical problems which had confounded the mathematics community since the age of Pythagoras. Garcia then turned to quantum physics. Not having experienced the world outside of the hospital in any way, Garcia made the decision to sail the world. His inability to eat anything other than fish, he argued, showed that he was predestined to become a sailor and so he set sail on a nomadic merchant ship sailing from port to port. He spent his forty first birthday in Istanbul with the tattoos to prove it. Throughout his naval life he adhered to his diet of fish and the occasional potato. After five years he began noticed something odd about himself. He began to develop breasts. He went to the ships doctor, was thoroughly examined and the doctor proclaimed that he was in receipt of a pair of fully functioning mammary glands. This was due, the doctor explained, to the amount of fish he had eaten over the previous six years. The sexual revolution in Europe was partly inspired by the availability of the contraceptive pill. Many women began taking this pill which contains highly concentrated doses of the hormone Oestrogen. This excess oestrogen is passed through the takers into the sewage system and out into the seas of the world. Fish ingest the oestrogen and Garcia ingested the fish. Garcia had such high levels of oestrogen in his body that he grew breasts. This was obviously an embarrassing situation on board a ship full of men so he took to bandaging his breasts tightly to his body.


Doppelseite aus dem Heft (01:20:23) – Gestaltung von Borries Schwesinger

Then he began lactating.
The doctor prescribed a course of testosterone injections to counteract the oestrogen but had none aboard the ship. Garcia would have to wait until the ship docked at a suitably equipped country.
When sailing for Cuba the ship’s engine exploded and the ship began to sink. Garcia entered a life-boat with thirty-two others. They had neither compass nor fresh water between them. They rationed what little water they could collect but this amounted to very little. They grew weak and the sun blistered them and dried out further their cracked mouths. Each could feel his stomach digesting itself.
Garcia unbuttoned his shirt, unravelled the bandages and invited all to suckle at his breast. None refused. All rainwater collected went to him and he in turn fed the crew. For twentyone weeks Garcia fed his men and all survived. Upon his return to Bolivia Garcia travelled to the Instituto Medico de Bolivia where he locked himself in his room for four months and wrote his memoirs [9]. When finished he climbed the hill overlooking the Instituto car park carrying a hunting rifle and proceeded to shoot at anything that moved. He chose visiting hour to maximise his victim potential. As police closed in on him he shot himself in the head. Reports stated that his eyes appeared to be smiling.

1 Consultant moleculor surgeon. Instituto Medico de Bolivia.
2 For a complete analysis of this operation please consult the Journal Medicio del Sudo Americano. Vol 87, p. 28 – 33.
3 For a complete description of these procedures please refer to the Journal del Physiothereputico de Bolivia. Vol. 109. p. 3 – 12.
4 Ludwig Wittgenstein, Tractatus Logico Philosophicus.
5 Jacques Derrida, Writing and Difference.
6 Simone Weil, Oppression and Liberty.
7 F. A. Hayek, The Road to Serfdom.
8 Theodor Adorno, The Culture Industry.
9 Due to be published in Spring 2004.